The RWAus 11 Conference came and went and so did my fears and reservations of being a first timer at this glorious and buzzing event. I enjoyed every moment but having said that I was fighting my inner demons something I hadn’t expected.
When I commenced my journey as a writer four and half years ago I had no idea what type of writing I wanted to do, all I wanted was to write and I didn’t care whether it was a boring resume, a letter for a job of application, content for a web page or even a dinner menu for a restaurant. All I wanted to do was write because it was and is my souls belief that when you love writing there’s no such thing as bad writing it’s all good writing because you’re doing the thing that you love the most, the thing that stirs you, drives and gives your soul an inner peace. You are participating in the act that is writing.
I had my biggest epiphany last week at the Conference I realized that I was scared and that I was harboring a deep fear – a fear of being so close to my dream. A fear that consumed me internally right through to Sunday morning even though on the surface of things I was smiling and being pleasant.
Never did I feel fear when a big black spider decided to go play with my toddler son years ago. I swept in like superwoman, grabbed him threw him through the back doors that lead onto the patio, slammed them shut and went in for the kill, broom blazing and all. There was nothing left of Mr. big black spider he was definitely minced meat or a blob of nothingness to be exact.
I didn’t feel fear when my waters broke at seven months and I ended up in hospital with the news that all may not be well. I only knew that I had to stay calm so as not to stress my unborn daughter. My daughter was born pre-mature but I took her home 10 days after I had her.
I’ve had so many moments in my life where I have never felt any fear what so ever but last week fear presented itself in a most intense way. I was so nervous and scared about pitching and even nervous about going up and saying hello to some favorite authors. I was so out of my ordinary character that I commenced my inner battle. My logic was fighting my emotion; it was in a sense a battle of wills. I give thanks to the great advice from friends, authors and professionals who presented the workshops it took the edge off but still I fought hard with my inner self to squash down my fear. Thank goodness in the end my logic prevailed.
When we attend these conferences, we attend them to meet and connect and network and to learn in order to expand our knowledge base for our craft. Clearly, it’s not just about meeting people and the knowledge that we take away; at least to me it’s not. It’s about how we grow as authors/
writers/ people. It’s much deeper than just a conference it’s a journey of self discovery.
Truthfully and importantly, I took away a most valuable lesson; I learnt something I didn’t know about myself.
Oh, and yes I did have a grand time, one that I will treasure for years to come.